I was running on empty

How building a foundation of self kindness changed everything

Modern life doesn't ask us to slow down; it rewards us for speeding up. For years, I lived in that relentless pace, convinced that 'survival mode' was just the reality of a busy life.

But then, everything hit at once: work was incredibly stressful, a family health crisis erupted out of nowhere, and I was supporting others through their own immense challenges. On top of it all, my beloved dog was poorly for months, causing huge amounts of worry and sleepless nights. My own body was protesting with a persistent back injury, so I couldn't even find my usual positive boost from exercise. I felt like a shell of a person, simply hanging on, hoping things would change. But nothing changed, until I realised the only thing I could truly control was me and the choices I could make.

I noticed a pattern of feeling worse in the evenings and at night, when most of the ‘doing’ and distractions of the day had gone and I became aware of a sense of trauma and being on edge in my body. Feeling unsafe, even though I rationally knew I was in no danger. 

Around this time, I learned about the body’s Automatic Nervous System and how our fast-paced, ‘always on’ way of life is hijacking the natural balance and keeping us living in a chronic state of ‘Fight or Flight’ - survival mode - rather than spending the majority of time in ‘Rest and Digest’ - the mode in which the body can repair and heal. 

I realised I wasn’t prioritising my needs, doing things for my own highest good or treating myself with compassion. I had lost sight of myself in all the doing and worry about others.

The Lifeline: Putting on your own oxygen mask first

I began consciously building a foundation of self kindness, putting my own needs first and getting each day off to the best possible start. It was a conscious choice to take care of myself in the way I was taking care of everyone else. 

A solid foundation of self kindness has two powerful functions:

• It enhances the good times: It allows us to savour and be present, appreciating what we have instead of constantly chasing the next thing.
• It is an absolute lifeline when times get tough: It provides the inner resilience to navigate crises without completely collapsing under the weight of it all.

The Self Kindness Shift

I took simple steps but they created a huge shift. For me, it included small, non-negotiable moments, like getting out into nature and focussing on my breath. Often, this meant standing in the garden in my pyjamas, a big coat, and wellies, drinking a hot drink! But it was a few minutes of fresh air and nature, dedicated to gathering my thoughts and tuning in to how I felt and what I needed, before the demands of the day began.

This may not be your practice, and that’s the beautiful foundation of the Self Kindness Sanctuary approach: We each know what we need in any given situation. We’ve just forgotten how to listen. The Self Kindness Sanctuary practices simply help you tune in and hear that wisdom over the noise.

By building this foundation over time, everything changed. I was meeting my needs, consistently signalling to my nervous system that I was safe, bringing me back into Rest and Digest. From a place of greater calm I was better able to navigate the chaos, and that difficult time ultimately became the catalyst for creating the Self Kindness Sanctuary.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, constantly on edge, stuck in 'survival mode,' or simply ready to prioritise your needs, your Self Kindness Sanctuary is waiting for you.